Webcomic / Metroid: Third Derivative

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"This whole planet is a bad day."

— Samus Aran

Metroid: Third Derivative is a Metroid-themed Sprite Comic created by Reynard in December 2003 and hosted by Bob and George. The comic officially takes place somewhere between Metroid Prime 2: Echoes and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. Samus Aran has traced the Phazon to its source planet and she travels there to eliminate the source of Phazon once and for all.

Metroid: Third Derivative contains examples of:

• Abhorrent Admirer: Mother Brain for Ridley, who does not reciprocate, given every time she swoons over him, there is a Reaction Shot where he promptly reacts with discomfort without knowing why.
• Abnormal Ammo: The Kinetic Beam, Phase Beam, and the Mega Missile are just a few of the original weapons Samus wields in this comic.
• Actually Pretty Funny: When a Space Pirate attempts to strengthen Ridley by integrating him with Phazon, Ridley complains about the whole Meta Ridley thing and compares himself to Coca-Cola ("Classic Ridley, not New Ridley"). When the Pirate then quips that that would make Phazon the Crystal Pepsi of the scenario, Ridley lets out a brief chuckle before saying he gets to live (which is really something, considering this is Ridley we're talkin' about, here).
• Air-Vent Passageway: Samus with the Morph Ball up until Phazon corruption damaged her Varia Suit and required emergency repairs destroying the Morph Ball in the process.
• Another Dimension: Subverted by Samus blowing up a time portal with a Super Missile.
  Samus: I'll jump into most swirling vortexes, but I draw the line at time travel.
• Are We There Yet?: Ridley is not enjoying his space flight.
• Ass Shove: Implied to have accidentally occurred with one of Squish's pincers:
  Joey: PINCER DOESN'T GO THERE! PINCER DOESN'T GO THERE!
• Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: Subverted. Kraid makes various appearances in the strip, but seems to be unable to leave his room.
• Backtracking: Lampshaded by Samus when Joey asked if they are lost upon revisting a location for the umpteenth time.
  Samus: We are backtracking. Is that understood?
• Bag of Spilling: Because of the Phazon-intense nature of Nemesis, Samus had to reconfigure her Power Suit for the toxic environment that rendered much of her equipment incompatible with the new reconfiguration.
• Big Bad: Dark Samus. She has a vendetta against Samus due to the events of Metroid Prime 2: Echoes.
• Big Damn Heroes: Joey during Samus's first battle against Dark Samus.
• Body Horror: Those unfortunate to be infected by Phazon and survive. Also in a Call-Back, JD gives the excuse that the Morph Ball project of the Space Pirates referenced in Metroid Prime was revived.
• Brainwashed and Crazy: Squish. Thanks to grabbing Dark Samus during her original battle against Samus, Dark Samus was able to brainwash him and sic him against Samus, though some time in a hole in space created by the Phase Beam sets him free. Also B'yayk thanks to Phazon corruption.
• Cheek Copy: Joey seems to have a problem with this.
  Pirate 1: Xeroxes of his ass. Everywhere.
  Pirate 2: The machine is still printing them out! Kill it now!
• Colon Cancer: Parodied in this filler comic.
• The Corruption: Phazon. It can kill most lifeforms, but those resistant to it may mutate and/or be given new abilities.
• The Corrupter: Dark Samus. Any being that comes into contact with her can be controlled into doing her bidding. The Phazon also counts.
• Cyberspace: When Samus seeks JD's help to fix her Varia Suit, he has to upload her mind to his computer so that he can fix the suit. To help her pass the time, JD asks Samus to take on the Space Pirate training program.
  • Holodeck Malfunction: Unfortunately JD uploaded Samus's mind on Mother Brain's Tourian network. Mother Brain wastes no time in attacking Samus. Fortunately, Samus fends her off long enough for JD to retrieve her.
• Deadpan Snarker: This version of Samus is prone to large amounts of sarcasm and exasperation at everyone's antics.
• Death Seeker: Several degenerate Pirates are this, and call Joey a buzzkill for not letting Samus kill them.
• Deus ex Machina: Referenced and later explained by Samus after Joey's Big Damn Heroes moment.
• Distinction Without a Difference: JD isn't arrogant. He's just unafraid of celebrating his own importance."
• Distracted by the Sexy: Happens to Samus by way of Johnny Depp.
• Does This Make Me Look Fat?: Unusable Joke #1 has Samus asking Joey if the Gravity Suit does.
• Eldritch Location: Nemesis as named by Samus. She identified it at the source of all Phazon with the core of the planet being pure Phazon while the atmosphere and various landmasses that float above it having heavy concentrations of Phazon. A ring of Phazon meteors circle the planet destined to be thrown into space and affect other planets. Lifeforms not resistant to Phazon will die quickly on Nemesis.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Played for laughs with Squish realizing Joey is not the best person to put your hope in for a savior. It ends up being Samus who rescues him.
  Squish: I'm sure they're planning my rescue right now... If Samus won't help, Joey will at least try on his own... ... I am SO doomed.
• Filler Strips: In addition to random filler, there are special "Logfile Filler" comics that expand on certain parts of the story and give insight into how Samus is doing status-wise.
• From Bad to Worse: Escalates from Samus and Joey being stranded due to Dark Samus shooting down the Gunship, to Ridley finally arriving with plans to launch a Phazon seen at Earth.
  • Squish being mind-controlled by Dark Samus is bad. Squish being cold-proof is worse.
• Funny Background Event: While Samus is facing off with what seems to be a rogue simulation of herself (actually Mother Brain hijacking it) in the Tourian Network, you can see JD's text in the background, implying he's talking as he works on retrieving Samus.
• Gamebooks: In this strip. Don't cheat now.
• Good News, Bad News:
  • The bad news is Squish has been captured and returned to power generation. For JD, this is also the good news.
  • Good news, Samus's ship still has power to steer. Bad news, it's still going to end in crashing. Good news, Samus and Joey aren't hitting the ground. Bad news, they're hitting the Phazon core of the planet instead. Good news, Samus is able to maneuver her ship so it crashes on a random island.
• Go Through Me: Joey doesn't want to let Samus kill any of his friends and fellow degenerate Pirates. Played for laughs when Samus then shoots him with her basic, no-upgrades Power Beam and he complains about it.
• Healing Factor: Joey can heal by eating other Pirates.
• I Am Not Leonard Nimoy: JD is a pseudonym he gave himself for Samus's benefit, named for whom he determined to be the greatest pirate in human history: Johnny Depp.
• Ignoring by Singing: "Yep... singin' to myself to fend off the crushing despair..." It turns out she has a nice singing voice, and some Pirates join in, until Samus notices and kills them all.
• I'm a Humanitarian: Joey has no problem with eating parts of other Space Pirates. In fact, it speeds up his Healing Factor.
• I'm Melting!: Samus stalls a Pirate long enough for the Phazon to melt down most of its body. Samus later "feeds" it to the Phazon completing the meltdown.
  • Mother Brain quotes the actual line when JD deletes her program instead of Samus.
• Inside a Computer System: JD hooks up Samus' mind to the Tourian Network, specifically a Pirate training program, so she can pass the time while he repairs her suit.
• Interquel: Metroid Prime 3: Corruption came out during the comic's run, confirming some elements Reynard used first, and Reynard responded by declaring the comic was set between it and Echoes.
• It Has Been an Honor: Several of the degenerate pirates would be honored to be killed by Samus.
• Left Hanging / Gecko Ending / Orphaned Series: Unfortunately updates to the comic have ceased, so we may never know if Samus ever completes her mission. It ended with Samus and Squish rampaging through a Pirate Base, Joey struggling with The Chains of Commanding an island full of fellow Degenerates, JD sweating under the watchful eye of Ridley, who is himself planning to launch a Phazon seed at Earth.
• Left the Background Music On: Samus has a program in her suit to play fitting music for situations, and it can tell when a battle isn't over yet even when Samus can't.
• Long List: In a parody of Metroid's Bag of Spilling, there's a long list of equipment lost when Samus reconfigured her Power Suit for the Phazon-intense environment of Nemesis. She later got back the Varia Suit and Morph Ball, but the latter was faulty somehow, while JD later fixes it by converting it, the Speed Booster, and the Screw Attack into a new item, the Electromorph.
• Look Behind You: Attempted by JD, who tells Samus to look behind her at Joey. It only works for a few seconds:
  Samus: Now, JD, I think you were saying something about how dumb and easily distracted I am.
• Medium Awareness: When Samus battles the Space Pirates, she comments about the music found when you battle Space Pirates in the Metroid Prime series.
  Samus (thinking): Wait...the annoying music hasn't stopped. *realizes there's a Pirate left alive* Crap.
• My Name Is Inigo Montoya: Samus does a whole reference to the Trope Namer, with a Not Quite Dead Joey as "her Pirate" instead of a dead father.
• No, You: Said by JD when he and Joey get into an insult match.
• Not-So-Harmless Villain: Mother Brain. Most of the time, she's either trolling the Pirate responsible for maintaining her or pining after Ridley. However, when Samus ends up getting uploaded onto the Tourian network, she wastes no time in attempting to break Samus and when that fails, she attempts to force JD to delete the Hunter, only for this to be thwarted due to JD's Hydra caste's insane multitasking skills, letting him instead delete this iteration of her. She'll be back, eventually.
• Only Known by Their Nickname: Despite his chosen name of Charles being known by the only two people on Nemesis who can understand him, the sapient Metroid is exclusively known by Joey's nickname for him: Squish.
• Prepare to Die: Caps off Samus reciting her reference to The Princess Bride.
• Red Shirt: Played for laughs when Joey asks for red paint so he can paint these on all the other degenerates for being stupid in combat.
• Remembered I Could Fly: Played for laughs with Samus and her suit being configured to deal with Phazon.
  Suit UI: WARNING! Phazon radiation detected ahead.
  Samus: No! Phazon bad! Phazon very bad! Turn, you little bastards! Turn for your lives! Tuuuurn! TUUUUURRRNNAAAAAGHHH! ...oh right, I configured my suit for Phazon.
• Ride of the Valkyries: Samus and a whole pack of Phazon Zoomers invade a Space Pirate facility to this theme.
• Retcon: The comic was initially a Fan Sequel to Metroid Prime 2: Echoes showing Samus going after the source of all Phazon. Then Metroid Prime 3: Corruption was released during the comic's run, showcasing a lot of the same story elements, including Samus going after the source of all Phazon, and Reynard responded by declaring that Third Derivative takes place between Echoes and Corruption.
• Running Gag: Samus apparently has a ton of retro games set up that she can play in her suit, which she uses and abuses during downtime.
• Somebody Set Up Us the Bomb: The Trope Namer gets referenced in this strip, where Samus and Joey discuss what would happen if a Space Pirate found her ship. Samus doesn't get the reference, thinking Joey glitched her translator.
• Space Pirates: Led by Mother Brain and Ridley. They mainly work on Nemesis to utilize Phazon for their nefarious ends.
• Speech Bubbles: Every character has their own font, color, and text effect for speech. When JD impersonates Joey to get Samus angry at him, the former takes on Joey's font, color, and text effect.
• Surrounded by Idiots: Samus qualifies, being stuck between the Lovable Coward and ditz Joey, snarky sentient Metroid Squish, and grumpy, biting, sarcastic jerk JD.
• Take a Third Option: Samus to Joey: pretend you're an evil pirate and you found my ship. What do you do? Samus offers two choices: call for backup and get no credit or take the risk and go it alone. Joey's choice is "go back to base and eat a large meal while my subordinates are slaughtered", but in a subversion, that is what Samus thinks a real Pirate would do.
• Timmy in a Well: Done by a Zoomer and some pirates who don't really care.
• Too Kinky to Torture: Joey enjoys being spun by Samus's Grapple Beam.
  Joey: GRAPPLE SPIN ME!
  Samus: No, goddammit! It's supposed to be a punishment!
• Totally Radical: "Sup? Word. Homie." Said by Mother Brain to Troll her overseer.
• Unsound Effect: "SICKENING CRUNCH" For when Joey runs full-on into a low-clearance barrier at top speed due to a Metroid (later identified as Squish) latching onto him.
• The Virus: Nemesis itself. It spawns countless Phazon meteors that are thrown into space destined to affect other planets. It's to such an extent that Samus initially thinks it's the source of all Phazon.
• Your Mind Makes It Real / Deadly Training Area: After being uploaded to JD's computer and given a training program as a challenge, Samus asks if she dies during the program, would she die in the real world too. JD says no, that would be stupid and such a thing would go against the training program's purpose. This doesn't stop Mother Brain from hijacking the simulation in an attempt to break Samus.