Captain Trilby Elliot: Okay, so it’s not an Endurance C-Two. What is it?
Senior Captain Kyrhis Tivahr: I like to think of her as an illegitimate but well-loved offspring. You know, perhaps this Dasja Conclave freighter falls in love with a Dasjon Imperial huntership. This is the result of their liaison.
People have all kinds of different ways to compare people or things to other people and/or things. One way some people do so is by describing someone or something as being the hypothetical baby of two (or more) people or things. This can be used in both positive and negative contexts, though examples of neutral contexts do exist, and can compare a wide variety of things.
Some examples of positive contexts include:
- Calling an attractive person the child of two people regarded as attractive (e.g. "If Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe had a baby").
- Describing a cute person or animal as the child of two cute animals (e.g. "If a puppy and a kitty had a baby")
- Calling delicious food the baby of two other delicious foods (e.g. "If donuts and ice cream could have babies")
Some examples of negative contexts include:
- Calling an evil person the hypothetical baby of two historical, mythological, or fictional evil people (e.g. "If Adolf Hitler and The Devil had a baby").
- Calling an extremely bad work of fiction the hypothetical baby of two slightly less bad works.
- Calling an ugly person or animal the child of two ugly animals (e.g. "If a pig and a gorilla had a baby")
Often involves Homosexual Reproduction and sometimes Extra Parent Conception as a joke. Situations involving a Kid from the Future can involve Dramatic Irony if someone guesses the kid's parentage. X Meets Y can be a form of this.
Has nothing to do with The Baby of the Bunch, which is about someone being the youngest amongst their group.
Examples:
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Anime & Manga
- The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Love You: Played for Laughs in Chapter 139; the girls take turns feeding Rentarou bread treated with a drug that makes it taste like the person who warmed it with their hands. Hahari’s bread tastes like milk, Mei’s bread tastes like black tea, and Mai’s bread tastes like milk tea, prompting Hahari to suggest that it’s like Mai is her and Mei’s daughter.
Fan Works
- Collateral Damage (Worm): The Squealer contraption that Skidmark uses in an effort to escape from Ragnarok resembles "The unholy offspring of a Tiger tank and an ice-cream van."
- A Darker Path: Atropos knows that Bastard Son won't be familiar to everyone who reads her posts, so she introduces him as "kind of what you'd get if Teacher and Jack Slash had a kid and kicked it out of the house because they were sick of its attitude."
- Dungeon Keeper Ami: In "Strange Trolls" when Ami's current form is being described as a mix between two beings:
"Lemme look! Lemme look! Ow! At least tell me what she looks like?" a third voice chimed in, speaking at a volume that indicated that the troll wasn't addressing the seaweed-haired visitor."Like some human got it on with a scrawny lizard and tried to drown the result in a bucket of white paint," the first speaker described magnanimously.
- This unnamed
Hazbin Hotel fanfic has Angel Dust stealing and wearing Charlie and Vaggie's clothes. When Charlie sees him, she asks why Angel Dust is dressed like her and Vaggie's gay lovechild.
- Last Hope (The Wasp1995): Anakin and Padmé comment on how much Luke seems to have in common with the other, unaware that he's their Kid from the Future.
- The Most Sensational, Inspirational Harry Potter (Harry Potter and The Muppet Show): Due to circumstances, Severus Snape ends up in the Muppet Theater, where he meets some of the inhabitants. He is consequently shocked at the sight of a passing-through Sweetums, whom Sirius (who's also visiting the theater, along with Harry and Remus) describes in this manner:
"Sweetums, well... he's a Hagrid met Dobby and had a baby — only he's a lot more normal."
- Para: Tayler Herbert has this to say about Emily Pope's watch:
she glanced at her wristwatch which looked like an LED watch that ate a stopwatch and decided to have its babies at the same time. Too many dials.
- In Sometimes the Only Winning Move is not to Play, Harry gets a copy of Salazaar Slytherin's memoirs but can't read them at all due to the Unintentional Encryption of being written over a thousand years ago in a language Harry calls the "bastard love child of German and French".
- With This Ring (2013): Artemis hears that Paul gave Zatanna an eviscerator, and wants to know what it is. Paul describes it thusly: "Imagine if a sword and a chainsaw had a very angry baby. Which showed unusually extreme hybrid vigour."
Films — Animation
- How to Train Your Dragon: In the first animated film, Night Furies are described as the "unholy offspring of lightning and death itself" to underline just how dangerous they are to vikings, due to their ability to move so fast they can kill without being seen. Toothless later develops a lightning-summoning ability in the third film, making this description even more appropriate.
- Wreck-It Ralph: When Calhoun discovers an infestation of Cy-Bugs mutating underground in Sugar Rush, which could easily destroy the entire game if left unchecked, she exclaims that "doomsday and armageddon just had a baby, and it is UGLY!"
Films — Live-Action
- In Deadpool (2016), Weasel makes a couple comparisons on seeing Wade's scarred face.
"You look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado.""You look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah."
- Dhurandhar: SP Chaudhary Aslam is described by Donga to Hamza as the love child of a devil and a djinn.
Many years ago, a devil and a djinn had fantastic sex. Nine months later, the result of that union was born, and he was named Chaudhary Aslam.
Literature
- Finders Keepers 2001 by Linnea Sinclair: After female lead Trilby Elliot's original ship is damaged beyond repair, male lead Senior Captain Tivahr arranges to hire her as a privateer and gives her a Q-ship he describes as the lovechild of a freighter and a "huntership" (patrol boat).
- Ghost Story (2011): Bob describes the Sidhe Wars with the phrase "...like if Lord of the Rings and All My Children had a baby with Macho Man Randy Savage and a whac-a-mole machine!"
Live-Action TV
- Brooklyn Nine-Nine: When Jake has to work with the United States Postal Inspection Service, he is forced to deal with an arrogant, incompetent, and clueless agent who, because he works for the Post Office, refuses to use e-mail on principle. When he comes to the precinct, Jake asks Boyle to keep him occupied by showing him what a fax machine is.
Boyle: So imagine if a letter had unprotected sex with a phone.
- Liv and Maddie: In "Helgaween-A-Rooney", Maddie finds a magic amulet after being irritated by Liv, and says that she sometimes wishes she wasn’t a twin. The magic amulet grants her wish by making Liv and Maddie triplets with a psychotic third sister named Helga, who has telekinesis. At one point, Maddie says that if a giant skeleton and a wolfman had a baby, it would not be nearly as bad as Helga.
Video Games
- Fire Emblem Warriors features a conversation between Olivia and Xander. They end up talking about Xander's retainer Laslow and Olivia's potential child. Anyone who played Fates will know that Laslow is Olivia's Kid from the Future, Inigo, under a pseudonym.
Web Animation
- Fully Ramblomatic: In Yahtzee's review of Crisol: Theater of Idols, he describes the game as:
Yahtzee: Try to imagine if Bioshock had a child with Resident Evil: 8 that was frequently babysat by Lies of P and who spent a lot of time hanging out with Blasphemous during their awkward, defiant teenage years.
Webcomics
- Grrl Power: Stalwart explains that, while he can fly using his mass-manipulation powers, he can't fly very well, saying that he looks like "if Sydney and Inspector Clouseau had a child".
- The Order of the Stick: During Roy's judgement in the afterlife, the deva-in-charge criticizes him for allowing Belkar to be part of his adventuring party. When Roy argues that it's better than the other options for dealing with him, the deva reluctantly agrees, producing a line graph showing that Belkar's evil under Roy's guidance is much less than it would be if he were let loose. Between Belkar's two lines is a third line representing a hypothetical lovechild of Cruella DeVille and Sauron. Why?
Deva: It's useful to have a baseline comparison for these things.
- The Perry Bible Fellowship: The NSFW strip "Technorgy" illustrates this metaphor. It depicts an actual orgy between many different pieces of technology, including a desktop computer, a camera, a flashlight, and a calculator — followed by the end result, which is a baby smartphone.
Web Videos
- Dragon Ball Z Abridged: After Cell gives birth to his Cell Jrs., Vegeta is so freaked out by them that he describes them as if every nightmare he ever had was fused together, made a clone, screwed the clone, and made the Cell Jrs. Piccolo agrees.
Piccolo: That is... terrifyingly accurate!
- Nostalgia Critic:
- In the review of Baby Geniuses, he describes the giant robot baby as being the "lovechild of André the Giant and Gollum."
- In the review of The Cat in the Hat (2003), Evilina describes the movie's version of the titular cat as being what happens when Pepé Le Pew makes whoopee with Ronald McDonald.
- Stuart Ashen: In his "Gallery of Shame" video, reviewing awful videogame box art, Ashens draws attention to a poorly drawn character on the cover of Crazy Kong and remarks "I don't know what's going on there, Porky Pig had a child with an alien."
- Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series: In one episode, Tristan describes Yami Bakura, the Spirit of the Millennium Ring, as being so evil that if Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees had a baby, the Ring would be the baby.
Western Animation
- Archer: "Training Day": While arguing with Cyril after a Zany Scheme just went badly awry, Archer exclaims, "This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morissette had a baby and named it 'This Exact Situation'!"
- Centaurworld: Horse's blobby Centaurworld form is frequently described as "if two beach balls had a weird kid."
- Dilbert: In one episode when Dilbert complains to Dogbert about women going for jerks, Dogbert explains it while also adding that another reason Dilbert can't get women is that he looks like "the illegitimate lovechild of Bill Gates and the Pillsbury Dough Boy."
- In Gravity Falls, Grunkle Stan has described Mabel's homemade drink "Mabel Juice" (which is bright green and has plastic toys floating in it) as tasting "like coffee and nightmares had a baby".
- Rick and Morty: In one episode, Rick tells his granddaughter Summer that the word "glip-glop", to the Traflorgians, is basically if the N-word and the C-Word had a baby and that baby was raised by all the bad words for the Jews.
- The Simpsons: In "Mypods and Boomsticks", when Homer is referring to Bart's new Muslim friend:
Homer: Hey, Bashir's great. If Derek Jeter married Mariah Carey, it wouldn't last, but I bet they'd have a kid like him.
- Total Drama Island (Reboot): In "Working K9 to 5", before Chris brings in some attack dogs, he asks the campers if they like puppies.
Raj: We love puppies!Chef Hatchet: It is exactly like that.
